You cannot make the decision for them. You can keep them alive, keep the door open, and stop wearing yourself down in the meantime.
Most advice about addiction assumes the person has already decided to get help. A lot of families are not there. The person they love is still using, says they have it handled, and gets angry or goes quiet when anyone brings it up. This is for that stretch, which can last a long time. It is not about forcing anything. It is about what you can actually do while you wait.
You do not control whether someone else stops using. That is hard to accept, and most families spend a long time trying anyway: hiding bottles, checking phones, making deals, making threats. It is exhausting, and it rarely works, because the decision is not yours to make.
What you do control is shorter and more useful:
The rest of this article is those four things.
This comes first because nothing else matters if it goes wrong. If opioids are anywhere in the picture, including pills that did not come from a pharmacy, keep naloxone in the house and make sure more than one person knows where it is and how to use it. Our guide to what naloxone does and how to get it covers the basics.
Learn what an overdose looks like: someone who will not wake up, slow or stopped breathing, blue or gray lips. Call 911 first. Do not wait to see if they sleep it off.
Keeping someone safe is not approving of their use. It is keeping the future open.
Most family conversations about addiction go the same way. Someone finally says something, it comes out as an accusation, the person using gets defensive, and everyone leaves angrier than before. Then nobody brings it up for months.
A few things make it go better:
Our article on talking to someone in recovery covers the words that help and the ones that shut people down. Most of it applies before recovery too.
Families often only talk about use when something has gone wrong. Say something on the days that go right, too. “It was really good to have dinner with you tonight.” People move toward what feels good, and being around you should not only ever feel like being in trouble.
A limit is not a threat. It is a statement about what you will do, not about what they have to do. “If you drive after drinking, I will take the keys and call a ride” is a limit. “If you drink again, you are dead to me” is a threat, and most people cannot follow through on it.
Good limits have three things in common:
Say the limit once, calmly, when things are quiet. Then do what you said. You do not need to explain it again every time.
This part is hard for people who love someone. It often looks like calling in sick for them, paying the fine, covering the rent that went elsewhere, or telling the rest of the family everything is fine. Each time feels like kindness. Over time it can mean the person never feels the weight of what is happening.
You do not have to rescue someone from every problem. You also do not have to punish them. There is a middle: let the natural result happen, and be kind about it. “I'm not going to call your boss for you. I'll drive you to work if you want to go.”
It may come suddenly, often after something bad happens. Be ready so the moment is not lost to a search that takes three days.
If they change their mind the next day, that is common. Keep the information. The door is still open.
People who love someone who is using tend to stop sleeping, stop seeing friends, and organize every day around the other person's mood. That does not help them, and it will wear you out long before this is over.
Tell one person the truth about what is going on. Keep one thing in your week that is only yours. Groups for families, such as Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, exist because a lot of people have been exactly where you are. You are allowed to need help too.
For a mental health or suicide crisis, call or text 988. For treatment options and information, the SAMHSA National Helpline is 1-800-662-4357, free and confidential, 24 hours a day. If someone is unresponsive or not breathing, call 911.
All4Aries helps people dealing with addiction and the families around them, and at most we provide resources — our position is on our Recovery Over Criminalization page. We run on donations; if this article helped, you can give here. This article is general information, not medical advice.
In most situations, no. Treatment that a person chooses usually goes better than treatment they are pushed into, and adults generally make that choice themselves. If someone is in immediate danger to themselves or others, that is an emergency: call 911 or call or text 988.
That is your call, and there is no single right answer. A useful test is whether you would be comfortable if the money went to drugs or alcohol. If not, pay for the specific thing directly, like a phone bill or groceries, or say no plainly and without a lecture.
No. Naloxone does not make anyone use more. It reverses an opioid overdose long enough for help to arrive. A person has to be alive to decide to get better someday.
You do not have to win that argument. Say what you have seen, once, in plain words, and say you are worried. Then drop it for now. Arguing about a label usually makes people defend the label instead of thinking about their life.
Groups such as Al-Anon and Nar-Anon exist for family members and friends of people who drink or use. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, is free and confidential and takes calls from family members as well as from the person using.
Published September 18, 2026 by All4Aries, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit based in Austin, Texas. This article is general information, not legal, medical, or financial advice.
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